“I want to feel more confident!” As a coach I hear this a lot and usually from confident people! Yes, even some of the most confident people aspire to feel greater levels of confidence.
I don’t think I have ever met anyone who wanted more confidence in a general sense. People don’t lack confidence in everything, it’s usually in certain areas of their personal or working lives. If you can relate to this, ask yourself – Why do I want more confidence? What would I do if I had more confidence? How would I act and feel? What impact would ‘having more confidence’ have on me and those around me? How would I lead my life differently? You see, we don’t just want more confidence for the sake of it! No, we want more confidence to be able to achieve something, we want to use it for a purpose, or to feel a certain way about a situation or activity.
The human mind is powerful, but it can also be destructive. Lack of self-confidence comes from our thoughts, how we perceive ourselves along with our perception of a certain situation or activity. Understand that what we perceive something to be, will be. If you approach a meeting thinking “they don’t want to hear what I have to say, I feel nervous, I won’t be able to influence” this will become the reality!
Our past experiences and in-built core beliefs condition our thinking and therefore shape our actions. Being taken out of what we naturally feel comfortable with, opens the door to our internal negative chat. People lack confidence in certain areas because self-doubt gives way to fear. Fear isn’t bad, it is an energy. It is important to embrace and accept it. Fear is there to serve and protect us, not to rule us and sabotage our self-confidence. However, many of us feed our fears with too much thought, time and space. We fear possible failure, we fear judgement, we question whether we are skilled enough, we place excessive pressure upon ourselves. We listen to our inner negative chat far too much. Listen to what you are saying to yourself? Is it self-promoting or self-destructing? Confident people set a level of expectation of themselves. Their confidence, is expected by those around them, so when confronted with a challenge, or something outside of their comfort zone, it is highly likely they will not verbalise their concerns or fears, choosing instead to internalise them, which leads to ‘mind blocks’ that only serve to hold us back. It’s essential that you start to recognise your thoughts. Ask yourself, do my thoughts hinder or help me? Will my thinking take me forward or hold me still?
Where you place your thoughts is a choice. I believe you are what you think, your life, your career, derive from your thoughts and playing from a high frequency energy is the only place to create an un-shakeable belief and vision. Finding your Why, Will and Want are your building blocks to greater levels of confidence but first, in the words of Tim Ferriss “To be successful, we must first address our fears”. Don’t sabotage your own greatness, believe in yourself, you are your greatest asset!
Louisa O’Donnell, Career & Confidence Coach @ Purple Eclipse Limited